A German lesson

Hi everyone,

Good to see you!

I thought I'd start today with a word from the Germans. While not a particularly nice word, I feel it is appropriate for where I am right now, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this....

 [Pic Cred]

" innerer Schweinehund "

Yes friends, that is a pig-dog. Your 'innere Schweinehund' is your inner pig-dog. 

I follow a few health bloggers, from all over the place, and some from Germany. When I saw people talking about people conquering their inneren Schweinehund; I read a little more about it on good old Wiki.

On it's own, the word Schweinehund is not a very nice one, however using it against yourself probably isn't a good way to look at it either. Your innerer Schweinehund is weak, lazy, and probably most prominent after an all inclusive holiday, or a few weeks of tactfully avoiding the gym. 

My Innerer Schweinehund has been taking over my life for the last few weeks. Ever since I did the Newcastle Stampede, and actually a little bit before, I've avoided exercise, I've eaten like an animal, I've drank more alcohol than I generally do these days, and I've chowed down takeaways like it's going out of fashion. I'm disgusted at myself, I really am. It's not all my innerer Schweinehund's fault- I've knowingly done it. It was me who bought the cookies, it was me who drank the wine, it was me who ordered the pizza. 

I feel like I've taken 3 steps backwards. My jeans are getting tight. I'm avoiding tight fitting clothing, and I feel bloated, sick and ashamed. I have spent weeks waiting for someone to slap me out of it and tell me to get my shit together.... But no one did. Of course they didn't. No one told me to lose weight. No one forced me to start running. No one pushed me to get into a routine. 

It was me. 

Why was I waiting around for someone to force me help me, when I was the one making myself feel bad? The only reason I feel/ felt so awful is because I know I am better than this. I know I can plan, eat well, and improve my fitness. And that knowledge will make you want to keep going.

Time to stop feeling sorry for myself, get up off my out-of-shape, squat-missing ass, and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Ich überwinde meinen inneren Schweinehund!

If you're in a rut, and if you feel like you're in the same boat, it's time to do something about it. Make a conscious effort to notice everything you eat, drink, and how much exercise you're fitting into your day. You will feel better if you take every day as a challenge to improve. 

Did I mention the Stampede already? A few weeks ago, I did the Newcastle Stampede with some friends. It was a 10k race with 21(ish) obstacles. Aside from smashing my knee in, and twisting my already-twisted ankle, IT WAS AWESOME. Here's some unseen pics!

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I would just like to mention that I've only just realised which person on this picture is me. Ha!

The Apology Blog

Apologies. 

I didn’t update my blog on Tuesday. I could give a million and one excuses: I’ve been crazy busy with work, I have been out almost every night this week, I haven’t had time, I’ve been working out too much (LOL) etc etc but the truth is, I have no good news this week. 

I was ready to keep going when I ended my 6 week transformation, and for the few days after it, I did keep up the healthiness. I went for a meal at Panis Cafe which was delicious, and although I ate pasta, I didn’t drink. Then the weekend came, and I was going to Glasgow with this bunch:

I had planned this since December, and I wasn’t going to go and be good. But that is fine! We’re allowed some cheat days, especially after 6 weeks for being neigh-on perfect. I had accepted that a blow out weekend was in order. Even before I went, I was worried about spending a weekend boozing and eating grease, I had had a great time over the 6 weeks and before that being good and exercising. 

But all was fine, I was going to come back and get straight back to the gym and the vegetable isle of the supermarket…. Right?  Nope. 

For the past week I have, in all honesty, gorged on rubbish. I’ve still eaten salad most days for lunch, but usually accompanied by some form of chocolate bar. My dinners have been meals out/ takeaways, and I’ve drank like an alcoholic. I still went to the gym, but of course I have put on weight and size since last week. 

Did I feel better for eating chocolate, cookies etc and drinking beer/wine? No, As a matter of fact, I felt awful. Food guilt is such a shitty feeling. It’s taken me a week of ‘I’ll start tomorrow’s to realise if I don’t do it now, I’m going to be back to being a 20 stone unhappy, fat, unfit, ridiculed lump of cells. I’m not prepared to do that.

This morning I did a boot camp session which practically killed me. I was shaking and aching, but I didn’t stop. I had my protein shake and banana when I finished, and I’m off shopping for a list of healthy foods. Next week I’ll post some pictures of the food I made.

I’m going a cake sale this week, as I’m fundraising for a special cause. I’m not even going to sample my stuff. 

Action Plan

1. Make a shopping list, plan meals high in protein/ low in fat.
2. STICK TO THE LIST. No tuck shop visits, no tiffins. 
3. Work out every day- run 6k tomorrow. 
4. Be Social, but don’t drink. It has to be done again. 
5. Lose 14lbs by 1st April. One month to kick ass. 

Giving myself a target, a plan, and realistic goals, I’m going to smash it. If I do this, I will more than make up for the damage I did this week. 

Keep your fingers crossed for me. 

On a final note: Thank you. To everyone who reads my blog, and to all the people who, in passing, have given me a little ‘well done, you look great!’. You have really helped me. This blog is almost like a little diary, and I know sometimes the posts are as boring as this…. But I’m so glad for all your kind and supportive words. I don’t deserve any of it this week, so next week I will post more good news and joy.